“Elvis Has Left the Building.”

Hey! What are you still doing here?

No, really!  I turned 40, the show is over (perhaps we could consider doing a “Reunion Tour” right before “50.” hahahaha Wouldn’t that be a hoot!)

MMMMMMMAAAAA! Hugs and kisses to you, tell your momma and them, I said “Hi.”

See you soon!

Now, run on home, go on, git!

(Lock the door behind you. And, make sure the cats don’t get out!)

Bye, now!

The Last One

"Happy Happy Birthday, to Me, to Me to Me!"

Well, I did it. I've written 54 of these things, counting this one. I am proud of myself. Writing twice a week for 6 months, compiling it into something readable by other people and then actually getting up the guts to POST it was not a small thing.  Yay, me!

I’ve learned some stuff, too.

I’m anal about my writing, I already knew this but I kept catching myself going back to posts that I knew people had stopped reading and correcting some minute error. (Who am I kidding? I go back and correct posts on Facebook all the time.)

I am surprised at the top ten posts - yep, Blogspot kept up with it for me. I don’t know who read what but I do have a general idea of how many times a certain post was read. I think a certain percentage of that is me going back to reread and edit but it wasn’t ALL me. :)

By far, the most read post was:

• Favorite True Story:

followed by:

• Halloween, THANKSGIVING and Then, Christmas
• "...Smell My Feet..."
• Stream of Consciousness About the Day
• 4,5,6,40?
• Sedona, Arizona
• "Hey Slick! She's a Hick!"
• 350 - It Ain't Just a Number on the Oven Dial
• Hmmmm, It Won't Come Off
• You Want Me to Put WHAT in That Cup?

I had readers from NINE other countries besides the US, from as far away as Denmark, Croatia, India. I had one in Turkey too, but she's a hometown girl! :) Hi, sweets!
I had 1,877 page views. That's way cool.

I’ve discovered something else while doing this writing “experiment:” I suck at knowing what people will respond to. Seriously, when I wrote a post, I’d think, Okay, is this true to how I feel? Yep? Good. But I was always surprised at what people reacted to. I’d write a post and think, Let’s see what people say to THAT! and not so much. Nah. Then, I’d write one and wonder if I should even post it and THAT would be the one that I’d get tons of feedback on. It always left me with the feeling of <shrugs shoulders> Who knew? Things that people found funny, that was always a Really? moment, too. I’d think something was mildly amusing and people would be saying, “Oh, I am laughing so hard,” and then I’d post something that I thought was just hysterical and, again, not so much.

Hmmmmmm. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm Yeah, I got nothing on that.

One thing that I do know, from years of writing stuff, is that people don’t always tell you when something really affects them. I don’t know if they just expect you to know ("she wrote it, she must know it’s good, right?") or if they just don’t know what to say. But, I’ve always been surprised when someone comes up to me and says,

“What you said in that post, yeah, that one, 

it was soooo good. 

I mean it, really, 

I thought about it for days, afterward.”  

Wow.

I’ve learned not to sit around and worry about feedback. It is just NOT a good indication of anything. Well, that’s a lie, I do worry about feedback, it’s just not so hard to put it in it’s proper place inside my head.

Each day, let God whisper the truth of who you are 

and who you are in your heart and mind. 

Filter the opinions of others through the reality that just because they think it-doesn't make it true. Be brave enough to see negative feedback as a possible call to action but not a definition of your identity. And while you enjoy the positive feedback refuse to be bloated by it. -Lysa Terkeurst

What you read on my blog is really just a compilation of "Here's where I've been," which may not be a really accurate depiction of where I am now.

Since I started this journey of "healing" I've sorta realized that up until my early 30s was about surviving, the rest of my 30s was about healing and my 40s ???? are a wide open book.

I'm sorta excited.

But this has been my swan-song.

Here's where I've been, 

here's where I'm going 

and how I'm getting there. 

It's just part of the final step into the next place. I write, that's how I process. Whether or not it was a good idea to write publicly, I don't know. But there is this need to have a "voice," that what I say and what I've been through matters. A voice that will become quieter, maybe, after this process (it could get LOUDER, who knows.)

And, it's been good for me to have taken this risk. I've always been so afraid to make a mistake that I become rigidly still. This may have been a mistake. Mistakes are part of life. It's time I embraced them. 40 has been my mark. Whole-er is my goal.

"It takes courage to grow up 

and turn out to be who you really are." 

- E.E. Cummings

I once saw a book with the title, Turning 50, Lessons at the Half-Way Point. I am sure it’s a great book and I get what they are trying to say but I just can not get past the need to say, “Gonna live to be 100? That’s a little hopeful, don’t ya think?” At 40, I am already more than half-way to the age where the average American dies. In fact, if the average life expectancy is 78, then I reached the half-way point last year. I am a full year too late writing this blog, which brings me to my next point:

This is life, life is terminal. Grasp that, accept that and the whole thing just gets a whole lot easier and much more precious.

"In the long run, we shape our lives, 
and we shape ourselves. 

The process never ends until we die. 

And the choices we make 

are ultimately our own responsibility."  

-Eleanor Roosevelt

There are more adventures left for me just over the horizon, they shine like new pennies in the morning sun and I can’t wait to get there. Don’t just stand there watching the ass-end of my horse as it gallops off into the sunrise, wishing you had the guts to greet tomorrow with a smile on your face - you might as well charge at it with a smile on your face because it’s coming whether or not you want it to and whether or not you feel “ready.”  I promise it won’t always be easy but it’s so worth it.  Come with me into the great Unknown!

Seriously, just lean back, find your balance point and enjoy the ride!

"May your coming year(s) be filled with 

magic and dreams and good madness. 

I hope you read some fine books 

and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, 

and don't forget to make some art 

- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. 

And I hope, somewhere in the next year(s), 

you surprise yourself." 

-Neil Gaiman

It's been fun, thanks for hanging out with me 'till the end, or... the beginning. :)