Run Emptyins-

To show signs of not holding out well, as for instance in a speech or other enterprise. Probably from the analogy of a beer-barrel. (from) Western Connecticut. To run emptyins is where a speaker or writer continues to speak or write after he has delivered himself of every thing of consequence. - Informal English, by Jeffrey Kacirk, pg 172

So, we are at the half-way point. Give or take a few weeks, (I’m not gonna actually admit when my real birthday is on the internet. My name is… my birthday is… I was born in…um, no!  Duh!  Any more of my security questions, you want me to answer for you? :) )

I’ve got three more months to go

Honesty time: I write these things in advance. I’m usually at least 4 weeks ahead of myself. So, if it says, “Today…” it’s not that it didn’t happen, it’s just that it usually happened a few weeks ago. There are a few exceptions but for the most part, there it is.I have written 29 (counting this one) of these things and I have roughly 29 more to go.

I am beginning to freak out.

This SEEMED like such a good idea. Write twice a week for 6 months? No problem!!!! It's not like I haven't done stuff like this before. I have pages and pages and pages of poetry and non-fiction and other stuff. But, this is on a deadline and, sometimes, people READ IT! :)

Ai-Yi-Yi!

 I know that, by counting unpublished posts, I have enough material to make to the end of January If I keep posting twice a week. If I drop it to once a week I can make it until...well, I'd be done.  And, never have to write another thing (they need to be polished and stuff, but that's not the same thing as the

brain numbing gymnastics 

--cartwheel, cartwheel, flip, round-off! 

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee, 

please don't let me land on my butt!-

of coming up with another whole new one.)   But, if I drop it till once a week I’ll be disappointed with myself. Actually, finishing was part of this task that I gave myself for my birthday.

So, I’m gonna have to keep writing, even if the writing is old and stale and nasty.
Sorry! <weak grin>
(Hey, I'm writing NOW, even if the writing is old and stale and nasty. hahahahhaha)

I realized that I have dedicated myself to doing this and that most of my months (and I picked the LONG months) will be during the fall/winter when this strange pseudo-depression sets into my head. I was once diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder. They’re not sure what causes it- lack of sunlight is one theory. I think, add to that, the anxiety of the holiday season, and voila! stressed out, tired A-Girl.

We‘re talking some serious needing-to-see-a-Shrink juju, here.

( Remember November’s post, “…Smell My Feet…” ? )

OH! OH! OH! Wait a minute…
…I‘m having a thought…
<leans back in chair, lets out big sigh>
…it‘s the anxiety that CAUSES the depression.
OH!!! DUH!
How could I be more thick-headed?

Anxiety 
is to the emotions 
what running a marathon 
is to the body- EXHAUSTION.

We’re talking grimy, brown poop-sliding-down-the-leg, marathon-running exhaustion.
OH!!!!
(Seriously, no one in the room is more aghast at my DUH!ness than I am.)

During these months I am so exhausted from fighting anxiety and missing the sun that my brain is flat, it is hard to finish a thought some days, much less a whole blog entry. What was I thinking?

(Seriously, it’s lots better than it used to be. I more than cope now - with a smile on my face, most days. I've even been known to giggle. But that‘s not as funny as the freak-out, above.)

<holds glass up in the air>  Here’s to NOT "run(ning) emptyins."

(Oh, good grief. I’m doomed!)