Stream of Consciousness About the Day

Valentine’s Day. It’s not been my favorite for a long time. Actually, it was never my favorite. It was always full of pain. I just wanted it over with so I could ignore it for another year. It was rife with "I'm special to somebody." And, I always felt like a big fat nobody to everybody.
No whining, just the truth.

Then, there’s the whole crazy of having little kids during any holiday. I went to two, count ‘em two, Valentine’s Day parties for my kids at their preschool this year.

Some stay-at-home moms could write how-to books for the dictators of small countries, I swear:

Power, Manipulation and Competition - an Easy Step-by-Step Process for Tyrants

Not any stay-at-home moms that I know, of course. But there are SOME, I’ve heard. :)  These V Day parties, with their over the top Valentine’s, weren’t much different.  Check out the comment of a dad who was standing close to me and watching, as a few of the moms drug out their "kids" Valentines,

“The kids are (oblivious) and the moms are competing. What? Next year some mom will bring Valentines with a mound of Swarovski Crystals on top?”  

Besides being really impressed that he actually KNEW what Swarovski Crystals were, I couldn't get over how astute his observation was. And, glad that somebody else saw it. There I stood, with Middle Child's little store-bought Valentines SANS big gigantic boxes of Sweet Hearts and chocolate and themed pencils (to go with the other 15 themed pencils that we have at home left over from Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas parties), Like they NEED any more candy? and had to fight NOT to hug Stranger Guy standing next to me. Yes! Thank you!  Obesity and consumerism -yep, we start ‘em young!

See that man, the one in the photo? He was my date for Valentine’s this year. Yeah, he’s been my date for everything that I’ve gone to for nearly 8 years, now. That man can drive me crazy faster than anyone I know. “Being married to you can be exhausting,”  I told him the day before Valentine’s Day. He looked at me, smiled a little and said, “Yeah, being married to you can be exhausting, too.” I wondered if he'd considered putting that on the card of my pink tulips that had arrived the day before.  Me? Exhausting? Hahahahahahahaha I'm not opinionated or stubborn or strong-willed! Not me!

Relationship is a two way street, you can't have a relationship if the other person/people won't do their job. It took me a long time to learn that I couldn't have a relationship with someone unless they wanted it as much as I did. Sometimes, relationships fall apart because the other person doesn't want it badly enough and that's not my fault. I tried to make it my fault for a long time but it's not.

This guy? He wants a relationship with me. He feels ownership over our kids and he takes care of them. He comes home every night and gets up to go to work every day. He’s got my back.

I sat across from him, over our steaming pot of fondue and realized that, for the first time in my life, I’m getting comfortable. There is a safety and a security that I’ve never known before, I can be me, the real me, and not worry that that's not good enough, somehow.

And, I don’t find this boring at all. Whoever said that marriage is boring either didn’t know what they were talking about or didn’t know “good marriage.” It’s not boring. On the contrary, it’s safe and that lets you be a little daring in the rest of your life. Knowing that there’s someone in your corner, someone who wants to be there, someone who works just as hard as you do on a routine basis to make it work?

That’s the sexiest damn thing I can think of.

I may even buy him a pack of Sweet Hearts and a themed pencil to show my love.

Nah!