“Hey, you hit me!”
“What are you doing? You’re steeped, uh-oh you fell over.”
“I’m in the car wash.”
“I want a lollipop.”
Thing my hubby says to me during a “discussion,” that makes me smile (We never EVER fight, ever! <fingers crossed under table>) :)
“You should listen to me, I have 5 years more 'life experience' than you.”
Thing my 4yo's friend said to him today at preschool that made him laugh. This, also, made me smile:
“I made my baby (sister) snot.”
So, last Tuesday, I announced to my Facebook world that I am keeping a blog on turning 40. I was scared silly. That didn’t surprise me so much, I knew I was nervous about this thing. What if nobody cares? What if they do? And then, I quickly reminded myself that I am writing for me and, for the most part, that’s true. But, it would be a big lie to say that I don’t care if anybody likes it.
For years, I was insecure and surrounded by people who were trying to change me into someone else. I was miserable, ’cause I couldn’t be who they wanted me to be without telling a huge lie about myself BUT if I could act the way that they wanted me to act then, the person that they “liked,” wasn’t even “me.” They weren’t gonna like the real me at all, not on any level. Ever. No matter how hard I tried.
I’m human. I’m a herd animal, I’m programmed to want to be acceptable to other people. As I get older, I’m accepting this part of me- the part that wants to please other people. I do not ever think that it is healthy to be a “people pleaser,” one of those women who have no idea who they are ‘cause they are so busy being what everybody else wants them to be- YUCK!
I am doing something different from that, I am acknowledging that I want to be around people who think I’m cool. I think that’s healthy. I’m going on the premise that, because the world is full of all sorts of different people, there’s GOT TO BE an “A-Girl” group somewhere. And, I’ve found many of them. I fit, I do, with my people. They may not always like everything that I do, but they do like the core of who I am. They like the real me.
So, I’ve learned to STOP spending my time trying to please the people who I can’t please. (I wish I could get back all of that time and energy that I WASTED, running around, for YEARS in my earlier life trying to please unpleasable people.)
You know, something that I’ve found, that seems to be true in my life, is that happy, confident people sincerely like you…or, they don’t hang out with you. And, that’s not a big deal-the two of you just didn’t jive, that’s all. It’s just that simple, really. Healthy friends don’t validate you and they don’t expect you to validate them. Who you are doesn’t reflect on who they are and they know it and so they don’t waste time trying to change you. It’s two people hanging out who enjoy each other’s company, period. End of story.
Unhappy, unconfident people-people who have no idea what a boundary is-they bend over backwards to try to change who you are ‘cause they feel like if they hang out with/are related to you then it reflects on them. It can be a violent, nasty train-wreck of people trying to convince other people to agree with them.
I no longer make room for train-wrecks in my life.
I now limit my contact to happy, confident people who like me. And, there’s a lot of them-who knew? What a different place my world has become.
Things my Fb buddies said about my blog that made me smile:
“This is hilarious.”
“Love it!!! Mind if I share it/pass it along??”
"Nice beat. Can dance to it. Would read again.”
“You can write that book of mine any time now. Great writing A(-Girl)!! LOL several times!!"
“A(Girl) I am loving your blog. My 40th is 28 days away. I look forward to more insight on the dreaded 4-0.”
Thanks, y’all rock. We rock together.
I can not
give you the formula for success,
but I can
give you the formula for failure,
which is
- try to please everybody.
~Herbert Bayard Swope
No comments:
Post a Comment